Category: Beware the Cluster B

Feeling Better vs. Getting Better

“On some level it all comes down to Feeling Better versus Getting Better. Repressing information about ourselves or our friends, creating scapegoats as a way to avoid our problems, using shunning to unite a clique and create group identity – all of these make people feel better because it makes them feel superior. But the only way to truly get better is to face and deal with each other, sit down and communicate. And I think the difference between these two choices is determined by what groups (cliques, families, nations) we belong to. If we are in groups that cannot be self-critical and therefore punish difference, we will join in on the shunning, excluding and cold-shouldering. But if we are in groups that promote acceptance, intervene to create communication, and recognize that people have contradictions, we will be able to face and deal with the true nature of Conflict: that it is participatory, and cannot be solved by being cruel, spreading rumours, enacting laws, or incarceration, invading and occupying….I feel that if I could talk to people who are projecting their anxieties onto me, some pressure could be reduced.”

Sarah Schulman – author of Conflict is not abuse

If You Can’t See Bruises Then it Isn’t Abuse


The silent treatment, ghosting, gas lighting, passive-aggression – these mind games that ignore people and make them feel worthless and depressed – are deliberate efforts to cause harm. The abuser needs to feel in control. But the scars are on the inside of the victim, so most people never notice their pain.

Emotional abuse is where standard caring societal messages (I love you, etc.) are linked with abandonment to destroy self-confidence.

Is it going to increase? With constant access to digital devices, an entire generation can escape into a screen to avoid uncomfortable emotions. The resultant failure to develop mental strengths, like emotional availability, does not bode well for healthy and happy long lasting relationships.

Love is the capacity to be happy and make others happy. There is no eudemonia when you are starved of love and meaningful connection.

Most of the advice offered to people stuck in a cycle of abuse is to leave.

Go forward for happiness – not back.

Beware the Cluster B

Personality disorders are a prime cause of interpersonal conflict. I’ll be writing a lot about this topic. There are a lot of psychological abusers out there masquerading as people.

Generally, people tend to hate those who make them feel their own inferiority. And since that’s just about everybody, there is a lot to talk about.

Like Baskin Robbins, there are many flavours of mental illness. The current DSM is over 900 pages long. Narcissism, Borderline, Histrionic, Antisocial – these make up the flavours of the cluster b disorders.

And of course we have the Dark Triad, the Covert Aggressive, the Passive Aggressive, the Everyday Sadist, etc., etc., etc.

Google it. You will learn a lot about the people who make your life miserable, so you can avoid them forever.

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