Category: Moronicity (page 1 of 2)

That Was a Long Intermission

The line ups to the washroom and the popcorn concession took forever! Three weeks in fact.

In reality, I didn’t have enough tech info with me at the cabin to be able to access my blog.

My royal consort just got a new iPad Pro, so we should be able to figure out how I can post from the great white north. And when I say we, I mean asking our brilliant tech friends how to do it.

Thanks for hanging in and not hitting the unsubscribe button.

FYI – the heat and biting insects are atrocious up north.

Saran Wrap and Blue Magic Markers

So, the saran wrap and blue magic marker tech didn’t quite work.

Of course, I am referring to Ontario driver licence plates, which have been peeling off for years. The 3M company was contacted and basically denied there was a problem. And it is our responsibility to pay to have them replaced. They are only guaranteed for five years.

The old ones used to last forever, but now we live in the wonderful new ‘green’ economy where everything has a profit motive.

And a landfill problem, because things made like crap don’t last. The fancy term is planned obsolescence, which should be spelled planned obscene-escence. The concept is thought to have originated with the head of General Motors in the 1920’s. Here is how it works. Read it for a glimpse into the society we are all trapped in, and how we are routinely separated from our money in the revolving door of consumerism.

City Mouse and Country Mouse

There is a lot of gloating that comes from the lips of my northern acquaintances. People who live two and a half hours north of the big, bad city love to watch the news to hear about the daily shootings and stabbings in the city, and report it to us with manic glee.

Conveniently deleting all the news stories about the drunken morons in boating, hunting and snowmobile deaths in the north.

Violence and stupidity are no respecters of lattitude and longitude.

It’s too bad, because it is prettier up north, and it would be so nice to have a place to go where everything is just the way you want it to be. I guess that’s why we hope there is a heaven.

Vicious Gangs of Orange Pylons

Toronto should change the official colours of the city flag from blue, white and red to orange and black, to match the millions of pylons that are on every fricking street, making travel in this city an annoying nightmare.

I probably missed an investment opportunity by failing to buy the stock of the company that makes them.

Our mayor has committed over a billion dollars for ‘infrastructure improvements’ like re-paving roads that don’t need it while ignoring roads with gaping holes and crumbling pavement that are crying out for new asphalt.

The province of Ontario is over 300 billion in debt, but can magically print another billion to give to asphalt, pylon and cement companies. That’s what I want for my birthday: the machine they use to print money to spend on things that you never have to pay back. The bills are sent to somebody else – the taxpaying dupe.

And I would use some of my magic money to put ads on the back of buses admonishing YOU to Get Out Of Debt, while I spend myself into oblivion, without a thought for the future. Just like they do.

Government Largesse

She got a raise. After tax deductions and new user fees (euphemism for taxes) on other services, she was able to take the family to Swiss Chalet once this year.

The government gave us a tax break. We bought a pair of socks with the windfall.

It is the tragic absurdity of it that I find funny.

Predators still roam the world, but now they wear suits over their scales.

Not a Fan of This Phase of the Industrial Revolution

There was a weird label on a snowbrush I bought for the car last winter.

Warning: Cancer and Reproductive Harm.

And then a website for more information, which was quite pointless since I had already purchased it.

Do you think the Manufacturing Industrial Complex is maybe a bit out of control? Why do they need to add something that causes cancer to something as innocuous as a snow brush?

What about a nice old fashioned wooden handle and nylon bristles and no cancer threat?

The food supply is no better. I have a fridge magnet with the slogan:

“Try Organic Food…or as your grandparents called it, “Food”.

So many things are just ludicrous.

CRTC and Amber Alerts

Since everyone with a car now qualifies to be a cab driver, it was only a matter of time when everyone with a cell phone is now a police officer. You too can be woken up in the middle of the night to fight the crime of child abduction.

Those alerts are virtue signalling gone mad. Like a horror movie, our phones scream at us to care about someones plight that we can’t do anything about.

Why stop there? Make it global. Amber alerts for missing children in Iraq. Or amber alerts for missing dentures. Nobody deserves a restful nights sleep when the world is awash with so many problems.

I’m going to buy an old fashioned alarm clock. And my hope is that the police will go back to old fashioned policing – where it was their job, not ours.

This Makes a Lot of Sense

Not all driving schools offer government-approved beginner driver education programs.

Ontario ministry of transportation

Now, as a general rule, I’m not a fan of government interference, but one would think that driving schools might actually benefit from imposed standards.

We have all witnessed the graduates from the various deluded moron schools of driving. The bashi-bazouks who chose “There is No Blind Spot Driving Academy”, or “Black Ice is a Racist Myth School of Driving”, or “Grand Theft Auto Driver Education”.

It’s only thousands of pounds of metal at high speeds – what could go wrong?

Typical bureaucrats. You need a permit to pave your driveway, but driving schools are unregulated.

April is the Cruellest Month

According to the poet T. S. Eliot.

I would say, with its unstable weather patterns, that April is the teenage years of weather.

What to say about March? How about the ugliest month. This is when the snow melts, and like the reveal in a magic trick, we see, not the queen of hearts, but the piles of disgusting litter.

You gotta love the neat litterers. The people who are missing the DNA for cause and effect thinking, who carefully leave half empty (Freudian slip – I’m a pessimist) drinks of Coke in an upright position on the curb. You would think that even morons would realize its better to live in an attractive city rather than a garbage dump. Apparently not.

And while we’re at it, how about a life sentence without parole for those graffiti thugs and their repulsive defacing of everything they touch. It always reminds me of a male dog cocking his leg and crudely marking his territory. Don’t ever call them graffiti artists. They are artists the way Adolf Hitler was an artist. Failed.

Atheism A La Carte

Like the trend forecaster Gerald Celente, I am a political atheist. I don’t believe in politicians.

However, it is always an amusing spectacle of liars accusing other liars of lying.

Somebody said that election primaries are just the puppet masters test marketing the puppets. The final candidates are more test marketing to find the most convincing liar. And voila – the winner.

They always lie. Why do you waste your time listening to them? Join the political atheists, it’s so liberating. No more wasting brain cells listening to them. No more anger at their broken promises. No more engaging in fruitless discussions. When you don’t participate – nothing happens. The political machinery carries on as always, and really, it seems to be more Corporatocracy than Democracy. Our part in it has probably always been a fiction – it’s rule by the rich and we are not oligarchs or plutocrats.

Try it. The next time someone asks you about your political affiliations, say “I’m a political atheist. I don’t believe in politicians.” You won’t miss arguing about it, and your blood pressure will thank you.

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