Wearing White

To my knowledge, this advice has never appeared in any magazine or article about fashion. My youthful, white, Pepsodent smile is no more. And I didn’t even take Tetracycline as a teenager. It’s just aging.

So I had to remove all the white articles of clothing and jewellery from my closet and donate them. The contrast to the teeth was just too much. Try it yourself – hold up a piece of white paper to your mouth and you will see what I mean. I predict a donation deluge of white earrings and t-shirts to the Salvation Army Thrift Shops. And then a mad rush to the stores to purchase new fashion items in the colour of old ivory piano keys.

If you have amazing genetics and pearly whites, feel free to ignore this advice.

I’m not going to waste money whitening my teeth. Now that I’m a writer, I will just wait until I get liver disease and jaundice, so then the whites of my eyes will match the colour of my teeth.


  1. Love it, writers are usually anti social artist types, who hold their appearance as a secondary concern…haha you go girl.

  2. Hahahahaha! I have never been one to wear white as I instantly become a dirt magnet. Fortunately my hair will be the only white accessory I will have moving forward. Unable to wear gray for much of my life, it is now my clothing colour of choice 😳 Aging is great.

  3. Bahahahahaha….. liver disease and jaundice. Use activated charcoal… that’ll make the teeth pearly white again. Hopefully you can get your old clothes back. 🙂

    • Mike…true. Activated charcoal and turmeric powder will help whiten teeth but will not whiten your porcelain sink/splattered tiles/mirror/towels and will make all your clothes unfashionably, permanently tie-dyed with dismal grey and jaundiced yellow splotches. You will not feel like smiling and showing off the whiter teeth.
      From someone who did not appreciate learning this. Better to go with the yellow eyeballs…ha ha…what a unique solution.
      PS. For some reason, I Iook embalmed in white and must wear what matches my teeth and eyeballs.

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